Vigilante MMA

Drama, drama baby momma. The boys (and girls) on Minden, Lousiana are sure kicking up some drama. After 3 episodes, “MMA” documentary “Caged” is slowly becoming a real MMA fighter’s worse nightmare. Gone are the hours of footage of MMA athletes hitting pads and grappling, eating only high protein/low cal food and kicking ass in the cage. Well, maybe that’s not all true, but what Caged is lacking in MMA reality, it’s not a half-bad show. That is if you can stomach the 30 or so minutes each week of cat fights, baby momma drama and gossiping. That all said, this last week’s show did impart some interesting tidbits: amateur athletes do get paid sponsorship money (how are they still amateur then?), mothers don’t like it when fathers spend 10 minutes a day with their infant child and lastly, it would suck to have your girlfriend parish in a car wreck. Confused? Read on.

The show starts off with Golden Boy Daniel. For those that don’t know, he’s kind of a big deal in Minden. Not that his personality would lend itself to that, as Daniel from my account seems to be a good and modest kid. But make no mistake, life is not all roses for young Daniel. Not only is he recovering from his last fight, which resulted in him “planking” after a brutal right hook to his chin, he’s also recovering from his ex-girlfriend’s tragic passing, which happened 4 years ago. Why is that important? Well, Daniel is proposed a fight for June 25th, which incidentally is the day that his then girlfriend died in a car accident. Manufactured or not, that has to be a tough thing to deal with. How did he fare? More on that later.

The show then focuses on somewhat aloof Wes. He’s what Daniel is not. Grew up poor in a single family home, nothing handed to him, and he has an attitude to prove it. He’s also the only fighter out of the 3 that “trains” in someone’s backyard. Anyway, Wes is dealing with baby momma drama and is losing his patience. Long story short, his girlfriend “Red,” who is way hotter than him incidentally, is sick and tired of Wes being an absentee dad. From her account, he works, “trains” and then spends a few minutes with their infant son. But all is OK with Wes because he’s the “bread winner.” Long story short…who cares?

Lastly, the talented one in the bunch, a kid they call “Danger” is having problems outside the cage as well. “Danger” or Matt, is having problems with his “girlfriend” because A. he can’t open up after getting his heart broken when he was 18 (cue empathetic sobs) and B. his “girlfriend” may or may not be stepping out on him. And I say “girlfriend” because “Danger” doesn’t like labels and doesn’t want to get too close. Dudes, if you’ve convinced your woman to go along with that, give yourself a high five you big stud. Anyway, “Danger” is just worried that his girlfriend’s slutty ways don’t inadvertently give him some type of STD. Oh the problems of a young MMA fighter.

The show then devotes maybe 10-15 minutes of fighting. And while MTV is better known for sh*tty reality shows, they can shoot a decent MMA scene. First up, a guy named Tony fights. He’s not a main cast member but does train at “Karate Mafia,” where both Daniel and Matt train. (Editors notes: I did not make the gym name up as a means to be a smart ass. That really is a name of a gym. I’m serious. What? You don’t believe me. Just watch the show. It’s really called Karate Mafia). Anywho, Tony is some kind of champion, and we know this because he carries around 2 shotty looking belts, which is a good thing because by watching Tony you wouldn’t get that impression. He does however earn $650 a month for endorsements. Not a bad amount of cashola for an amateur fighter. I was wondering why that dude wears fresh gear (e.g. RVCA, Tap Out) but doesn’t have enough money to fix his car. Whateves…he ends up winning via a sloppy ass TKO in round 2.

But really all anybody cares about, at least in Minden, is how Danny boy is going to handle fighting on June 25th. Will he pull out a big W in front of Hannah’s (ex girlfriend who died) family and friends? Will he be able to bounce back after a tough loss? Well, it didn’t look promising after round 1, as Daniel’s face served as a muay thai pad for his opponent, but luckily Daniel was able to get a trip takedown and finish the fight with an arm bar in round 2. There is a god.

So there you go. Another exciting episode of Caged. Don’t miss next week as we’ll finally see which shade of lipstick “Red” will buy and which colored Polo shirt will Wes wear? I’m guessing navy blue.